In keeping with my theme of trying new shows (and reviews), I’m set to take on my first ever season of The Bachelorette! It should go without saying that I’ve also never seen The Bachelor, and therefore, have never seen either Britt or Kaitlyn. It was with completely clear and unbiased eyes that I took to watching this season and documenting my ramblings of each episode, as well as my opinions on the contestants and the bachelorette. Without further ado, Here we go!
Episode 1 – May 18
- First thoughts: Two Bachelorettes is a weird concept. They should probably not do this again. And 25 guys is A LOT of guys. How often do they eliminate people? Is it one by one or a few a week? How is the Bachelorette even going to remember all their names? They need name tags. That would be best, I think.
- Episode Highlight: The vote. Oh goodness. I’m on the edge of my seat!
- Favorite this week: The dentist! Wait, what was his name? He’s the adorable one who arrived in a cupcake! (Chris from Nashville the internet says)
- Least favorite this week: Tony? Was that his name? The strange duck.
- Last thoughts: It better be Kaitlyn or I’ll be pissed. I don’t want to watch a whole season of Britt. Good thing I find out tomorrow!
- My top 5 picks for season winner: Ian. Shawn B. Ben Z. Joe. JJ.
- Eliminated: Ryan M. Eliminated by Chris Harrison. For being a worthless drunk. And also taking a dip in the pool during cocktail hour.
Episode 2 – May 19
- First thoughts: Anddd we’re back! Chris Harrison to tell us who the next Bachelorette is….Kaitlyn Bristowe! HECK YES!
- Episode Highlight: Kaitlyn is the Bachelorette! IT’S GONNA BE AN INTERESTING SEASON!
- Favorite this week: It was kind of an extenstion of last week so this feels like cheating…but Shawn B! First impression rose! ❤
- Least favorite this week: I don’t even know all their names yet! GEEZ. I can’t be hating too much yet!
- Last thoughts: Brady leaves for Britt. Looks like she might just get her man without having to date 25 of them! Also, that season preview looked full of love, fun, drama, and scandal! TEAM KAITLYN!
- Eliminated: Britt. Brady (left the show). Bradley. David. Josh. Shawn E.
Episode 3 – May 25
- First thoughts: Dates! Oooh, 3 of them! YES! FINALLY. Now, how exactly will these dates work?
- Group dates thoughts: Boxing and stand up comedy. AMY SCHUMER. LAILA ALI. YES YES YES. These were really fun dates. Kupah was a dud date. And Tony was horrible at stand-up.
- Boxing date favorite: Jared.
- Stand-up date favorite: Joe.
- One-on-one date thoughts: Clint. Underwater photo shoot. Uh, what? Weird but really fun looking. Also, Clint was apparently very good at kissing. Though, if you ask me, not so very chatty (or intelligent). So I don’t know Kaitlyn…this guy isn’t really husband material…
- Episode Highlight: “Well, I’ll be.” Joe is 100% adorable. *swoon* Sweet spot for a Southern man.
- Favorite this week: Chris. I’m sticking with the cupcake!
- Least favorite this week: JJ. He was so annoying this week. What a “turd”!
- Last thoughts: Kupah sucks. No seriously. Also, Kaitlyn is kind of awesome.
- Eliminated: Kupah. Not to be confused with Koopa Troopa. HAHA.
Episode 4 – June 1
- First thoughts: Right back in the drama. AND two more guys still have to go? Well, that sucks for them. Not two very memorable guys though..
- Group dates thoughts: Sumo wrestling. Where Tony flipped out over fighting (again). UGH. It was supposed to be fun, Tony! And then he left. Which was sad…but definitely good! And the sex education teaching lesson. Which was laugh out loud hilarious. Kaitlyn had quite the prank on the guys.
- Sumo wrestling date favorite: Shawn B.
- Sex education date favorite: Ben H.
- One-on-one date thoughts: Ben Z. And the horror date. As a deathly afraid person, I feel for Kaitlyn. WORST DATE EVER. But Ben Z was great and sweet and helpful. It was entertaining to watch, but Chris Harrison is horrible at planning dates. “Why’d it have to be snakes?” Thank you, Indiana Jones.
- Episode Highlight: Clint falling in love with JJ. Because if someone has to one this show, I’m just glad that it wasn’t Kaitlyn! Also, they’re pretty funny.
- Favorite this week: Ben Z. “We’re definitely not getting a bird when we’re married.” This man is on point.
- Least favorite this week: JJ. Any surprise here? It’s only episode 4, and I cannot wait for him to leave.
- Last thoughts: “Villains gotta vill.” Haha come on. This stuff is hilarious. “Boys versus men.” This is reality show gold, ladies and gentlemen. “He’s going down in flames.” And then….break for next week!
- Eliminated: Daniel. Cory. Tony (left the show).
Episode 5 – June 8
- First thoughts: CLINT. Right back at the drama to start this week. Oh my god, I think I actually feel sorry for JJ. Like he’ll cry when Kaitlyn kicks him off? Ha nope. He’s so devastated about his best friend leaving. Even though he acted like a dick. And then the rose ceremony was cancelled. JJ lives to woo another day.
- Group dates thoughts: Rap Battle. HA EXCELLENT DATE CHOICE. It was hilarious and awesome and JJ sucked. Bounus. And then, NIck. Who the fuck is Nick? I have no idea. BUT he’s sticking around. DRAMA BITCHES. Also, he’s sexy. And I’m pro drama and sexy men. Broadway date. I adore Aladdin. Absolutely adore. The music is fabulous. Even though these guys couldn’t really sing…or act…or dance. LOL. But it was a really good date idea!
- Rap Battle date favorite: Corey. He’s was just so fun!
- Broadway date favorite: Chris. Obviously. He was fabulous and he tried so hard to get the extra time with Kaitlyn. And I love him. BUT I don’t think he’s a good match with Kaitlyn… Maybe he’ll be the next Bachelor? He’d be good at that!
- One-on-one date thoughts: Jared and The Met and a helicopter. Now that’s a good date. Aww. And his poem was stellar. He’s adorable. Total chemistry with Kaitlyn. Seems like a REAL contender. Even if she was distracted at the beginning of the date by Nick.
- Episode Highlight: Nick. He has to be the highlight. This episode was practically all about him. He has finalist potentail, ya’ll!
- Favorite this week: Chris. He was just so enthusiastic! It was great to watch. #teamchris
- Least favorite this week: JJ. It’s a running theme here at the Bachelorette.
- Last thoughts: These cliffhangers. Dammit. I want episodes that end with rose ceremonies, not before them!
- Eliminated: Clint.
Episode 6 – June 15
- First thoughts: Shit. This season is like half over. Nick is so late in the game. And the guys are such haters that I like Nick. Which, what?! Aren’t I supposed to hate him?! Because I really don’t…
- Group dates thoughts: Mariachi song writing and performing. YES. This is a great group date. Even though most of these guys CANNOT sing. Let’s skip the singing dates from here on out. Even though it was hilarious. HAHA! And then there was MORE DRAMA. Thanks for that Joshua. All the guys really appreciated it.
- Date Favorite: Nick. He seems pretty genuine to me. And most of the other guys seem to think he’s okay. Plus he was so sweet with Kaitlyn…and all the kissing! He rocked that group date!
- One-on-one date thoughts:
- Ben H. The two-step competition in Gruene, TX. Which was the best date so far, if you ask me. But I dig my cowboy boots and my (absolutely horrible) dance moves. Plus, they really seemed to work as a couple. Now there’s a man that Kaitlyn could marry!
- Shawn B. Kayaking down the San Antonio Riverwalk. DUDE SWEET. And he’s super into her. And vice versa obviously. They exchanges “I’m falling in love”s. That’s serious business. TOP THREE CONTENDER!
- Episode Highlight: San Antonio. I was literally there ONE DAY AGO! Too bad this stuff is pre-recorded. I could have snagged a bachelor! Okay, that had nothing to do with the episode. But it was exciting for me. WHAAAATEVER. Kaitlyn rocks. That is all.
- Favorite this week: Nick. Oh my god. I literally switched teams. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? #teamnick
- Least favorite this week: Ian. What a jackass. Maybe you should just have more game. Ever think of that? Please please DON’T make him the next Bachelor. *shudder*
- Last thoughts: I seriously just want a rose ceremony to end the episode. Is that too much to ask for?! BUT OH MY GOD, NEXT WEEK IS THE SEX! My bets on Nick, Jared, or Ben Z!
- Eliminated: Ryan B. Jonathan. Corey.
Episode 7 – June 22
- First thoughts: Back to Ian. Straight away. What a jerk. Good thing that Nick was there to comfort Kaitlyn. #teamnick And also, you go Kaitlyn! You do you, girl, no matter what the haters think!
- Group dates thoughts: The fake Irish wake. Which was really really odd. Kaitlyn was in a coffin. WTF. It was creepy. But Kaitlyn made it funny, because it was Kaitlyn. And then they all talked with Kaitlyn and Jared got the group rose. No seriously, how is he still there? They’re really weird together. I don’t like it. On the other hand, he did get to dance to a live concert by the Cranberries. Which is SWEET!
- Date Favorite: Ben Z. That date was really hard for him, because of his mom. But he handled it really well. And he was super sweet with Kaitlyn!
- One-on-one date thoughts:
- Nick. The first date in Dublin. Walking around the town and seeing the sights. It’s a great first alone date for them. The chemistry was popping. And they both were really happy together. AND THEN, THE PASSION. THE SEX. Oh my, dear sweet Kaitlyn, that’s gonna come back to bite you. But, again, you do you, girl.
- Episode Highlight: Okay, seriously, is this even a question? THE SEX. I really thought it may have been a tease by the editing promo (*cough* Brokeback Bachelor *cough*). But it was real! I couldn’t believe it! Does this happen a lot?! What would Chris Harrison say?!
- Favorite this week: Nick. It’s not even a joke anymore. He didn’t even tell the guys about their night together! Way to go Nick; classy move!
- Least favorite this week: Shawn B. Stop freaking out over not getting one rose. You know you have a connection. This doesn’t ruin it. You KNEW she was going to be dating 25 other guys when you started on the show!
- Last thoughts: THAT WAS A TERRIBLE ENDING. WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE?! DAMMIT ABC.
- Eliminated: Ian. Justin. Joshua.
Episode 8 – June 29
- First thoughts: Shawn B is STILL whining. I’m so over him actually. All he does is cry and complain that he’s not getting enough attention. And he doesn’t even know how much attention that Nick already got. #teamnick
- Two-on-one thoughts: This date concept is WEIRD. And obviously, neither of them are going to be the winner of Kaitlyn’s heart or they wouldn’t be on this date. AND, JJ is a cheater. Which, ugh. I do not condone such behavior. And he has a little girl at home that he needs to get back to attempting to becoming a better role model for. BUHBYE JJ!
- Date Favorite: Joe. I mean he got the rose, so obviously him.
- One-on-one date thoughts:
- Jared: This one-on-one date kinda happened randomly actually, but I’m counting it. The round trip date through Ireland. But it was really fun for Kaitlyn. Jared is such a positive person for Kaitlyn to have around, and ZERO drama. But I still think he seems more like a best friend then a husband. Still, I can see why she keeps him around!
- Chris. Cupcake. Poor sweet cupcake. The Cliffs of Moher were beautiful. But Kaitlyn was not up to par. And she sent him home. Or rather she started crying and left Chris on the Cliffs as she flew off in the helicopter. Farewell Chris.
- Episode Highlight: Chris Harrison is really changing things up this season (according to my best friend, because I just assumed this stuff happened all the time). Looks like two MORE people are going home next week before the fantasy suite dates…and Kaitlyn is only going to meet two families. This could a sign that maybe Kaitlyn isn’t the best Bachelorette (or that she had a lot of dud bachelors) BUT whatever! It’s going to be drama-filled excitement for the viewers!
- Favorite this week: Ben Z. What a hunk of sweet man. I was sad that he got eliminated. You have my vote for the next Bachelor, Ben Z! ❤
- Least favorite this week: Shawn B. I’ve taken to calling him “the whiny one”.
- Last thoughts: FANTASY SUITE IS COMING!
- Eliminated: JJ. Tanner. Ben Z. Chris
Episode 9 – July 6
- First thoughts: And we’re back for another week of drama and dates! WAHOO. Also, I definitely miss Cupcake already. *sad face*
- Group dates thoughts: Three-on-one. These group dates are just getting awkward. But I’d totally be game to drink on the castle grounds. And say farewell to Joe. Which, really, why was he even still there? You definitely should have kept Ben Z around longer.
- Date Favorite: Nick. He was the only one that seemed halfway normal.
- One-on-one date thoughts:
- Ben H. They’re date was fun and cute. But I just don’t see this relationship being the one. Poor Ben H. You’re a sweet and lovable guy!
- Shawn B. Random one-on-one time so that she could tell him that she slept with Nick. Um, oops. She feels pretty guilty about it. And Shawn is pretty upset about it. Obviously. Shawn is literally ALWAYS upset about something. DRAMA KING.
- Nick. Fantasy date night! This date went super well. Nick showed a different side of himself. And he and Kaitlyn were more than just passion. It could really be a promising relationship for her future! TOP TWO. Obviously. #teamnick
- Episode Highlight: Shawn and Nick argue. Because Shawn had to come to his room for some one-on-one confrontational time. Why Shawn? Just why? JUST GO AWAY. Maybe, you should focus more on your relationship with Kaitlyn than with Nick. Hmm, yeah, it’s a great idea. She likes him. He meshes with her well. LET IT BE. You’ll both get your chance to woo her with a speech down on one knee. GEEZ. (I mean, we all know these are the top two guys, right? She’s basically in love with both of them.)
- Favorite this week: Jared. GAWDDD. Could you be more a sweetheart and gentleman? No, you couldn’t. I know I’ve hated on Jared a lot. But I thought he was really good for Kaitlyn. She definitely made a mistake sending him home this week.
- Least favorite this week: Shawn B. I really can’t get on board with this guy. I would have sent him home weeks ago. Ugh. And he’s a front runner. Which is even worse.
- Last thoughts: It’s going to be a really rocky finish for Kaitlyn. Which makes sense. It’s been a really rocky season for her. BUT SHE’S SO CLOSE TO A PROPOSAL….or two.
- Eliminated: Joe. Jared.
Episode 10 – July 13
- First thoughts: 2 more Fantasy dates to go! AND a rose ceremony tonight. AND hometowns. WOW. ABC is really packing it in tonight!
- One-on-one date thoughts:
- Ben H. Adorable. The horseback riding was a great date! Plus, Ben is the absolute sweetest. Which obviously means that he’s going home, because Kaitlyn really isn’t into sweet guys (ie. Jared and Chris, remember?)
- Shawn B. I HATE YOU. YOU ARE THE WORST. YOU ARE A BIGGEST DRAMA QUEEN.
- Episode Highlight: Um, did anyone see that red dress that Kaitlyn wore for the rose ceremony?! HOLY HELL. I could never do that. Not enough confidence. Go Kaitlyn!
- Favorite this week: Nick. It’s always Nick. Pick Nick. He’s the best. Even if he has a HUGE family.
- Least favorite this week: Shawn. It’s always Shawn. He’s horrible. Even if his sisters are nice.
- Last thoughts: WTH. That was not hometowns. That was a random lodge in Utah. Shawn and Nick do not live in Utah. LAME. LAME. LAME.
- Eliminated: Ben H.
Episode 11 – July 20
- First thoughts: The Men Tell All. Interesting.
- Episode Highlight: The stance on cyber bullying! Those people are obviously horrible human beings. Leave Kaitlyn alone. She’s fabulous and you all suck.
- Favorite this week: Ben H. Stand up for Kaitlyn, Mister Future Bachelor!
- Least favorite this week: Corey. How long were you even on the show? You have no reason to talk.
- Last thoughts: So that Bachelor in Paradise? Should I watch that? I think YES. It looks horrible and packed with drama. I’m in! (I think I’m officially a fan of Chris Harrison and his shows…) Also, why didn’t Tony get a chance to talk about his inner peace? And where was Brady?
- Eliminated: Nobody. Just waiting for the the finale where Kaitlyn will probably pick Shawn and crush my #teamnick dreams….
Episode 12 – July 27
- First thoughts: THIS IS IT! #teamnick
- Episode Highlight: WHY DID SHE LET NICK PICK A RING?! That was seriously evil, Kaitlyn. And you know I support you. But WHY?! Also, don’t tell the guy you’re dumping that you love him. #tearsfornick
- Favorite this week: Nick. It seriously wasn’t even up for debate this week
- Least favorite this week: Shawn. Winner winner. And I still hate you.
- Last thoughts: I guess they’re in love. Whatever. Let’s get going with the next season.
- Eliminated: Nick. #stillcrying
Episode 13 – July 27
- First thoughts: After the final rose…well this could get awkward.
- Episode Highlight: I’m kinda just glad it’s over. Maybe the next season will go better
- Favorite this week: Chris Harrison. The dude is awesome
- Least favorite this week: Shawn. Duh. Because I’m just a hater now…
- Last thoughts: WHY DIDN’T THEY ANNOUNCE THE NEXT BACHELOR?!